"A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity." (Proverbs 17:17)
"Boy, that was really disturbing!" I thought, as I sat back in the pew at mass. Not my typical reaction to the reading of the gospel. We had just listened to Matthew 10:34-36: in which Jesus tells his disciples, "Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a man's enemies will be those of his own household". How could this God of peace and love come to set us against our families? And don't the mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws have enough challenges as it is?
Does Jesus want us to be fighting with each other? I don't think so, or he wouldn't have said "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God" (Matthew 5:9). However, if we choose to follow him there may be some people around us who aren't happy about it, and we have to do it anyway. The irony in this situation is that following Jesus means that we love all people in our lives, even the ones who aren't happy with us for choosing to do it. We are called to love one another at all times and in all circumstances, not just when it is easy to do so. We have to love each other when we don't see eye to eye, when we are angry with each other and when we feel distant from one another. St. Francis described it beautifully, "Oh Master. grant that I may never seek, so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood, as to understand, to be loved as to love with all my soul!"
Conflict between family and friends didn't start with Jesus's teachings. It has been around since Cain and Able. We could probably eliminate it if everyone was exactly the same, but that's not the way God made us. Perhaps in and of itself, that conflict is not always a bad thing. Imagine if there was only one perspective that a person could have about any given topic. How could we generate new ideas for solving problems? What if everyone just accepted the status quo, never questioning the way we do things or pushing for a change? How could things ever get better? If everyone had been content with a horse-drawn carriage, we would have never invented the car. Perhaps the problem is not that we disagree, but how we handle that disagreement.
The conflict described in the passage above sounds a lot like what is happening in our country right now, only the precipitator of the strife is a lot less significant than Jesus. The division between political parties is tearing apart families and friendships. It is leading to anger, hatred and violence. We no longer feel safe talking to people with a different perspective. What is at the bottom of this whole situation? I believe it is fear. Instead of celebrating our differences, we feel terribly threatened by them. Fortunately, the Bible tells us that perfect love casts out fear (1 John: 4:18).
No one argues more frequently or passionately than the characters Archie and Mike in the TV show "All in the Family". In episode after episode, we see them driving each other absolutely crazy. However, when Mike leaves Archie's house for the last time before taking his family to California, he says to Archie, "I know you think I hated you, but I didn't. I loved you." Then he puts his arms around Archie. The look on Archie's face reveals that he is deeply moved. He slowly reaches one arm up to complete the hug with Mike, and says, "Have a good trip". If those two can love each other through their differences, everyone can!
"Maybe you and I see life with two different visions, and neither one of us is wrong or right. And maybe we're too serious and don't wanna listen. I just wanna make you laugh tonight.
We're like day and night, night and day. We are both so different in so many ways. We're like night and day, day and night, and we go together just like black and white.
And if we never really get the picture right, how many of us ever really win the fight? I never want to loose your love, or let the distance get the best of us, 'cause time is moving fast enough!
Maybe we don't always share a common opinion. It's true that you and I don't think alike. But when I look into you eyes and all is forgiven, all I wanna do is hold you tight!"
Lyrics from the song "Night and Day" by Bette Midler (1991)
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